About a month before Mia's first year of preschool ended, I attended and IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting with Mia's teachers and therapists. They mentioned to me that they believed she would benefit from an extended school year. Summer school, as I grew up calling it. It would be twice a week at a school in Thornton. After considering the option for a couple of weeks, CJ and I decided that we would opt for her to not attend, but rather she would attend her Autism school an extra day of the week.

I wasn't sure of the widom in this decision at the time and I have to say a month into her summer break I still question if it was the right thing to do. Mia's therapies have all come to an end. One by one, the recommendation of the therapist has been to discontinue service until we have the behavioral aspects of Mia's disorder make progress. I don't blame them, I appreciate their honesty. It's a waste of time and money to continue to spin our wheels with no progress. But this leaves us at a stale mate. Maybe its all in my head but sometimes I really feel nothing will work. She will make her own progress on her own time in her own way.

I blame myself for the lack of progress. I feel un motivated and poorly equipped to correctly manage her temper tantrums. I feel paralyzed by wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time.

I picked her up from school today. I asked her guardian for the day how she did. "She had a hard day" she said. She threw herself down in tantrums a lot this morning, but she ate all of her lunch and only banged her head towards the end of the day". I don't know what to do about this, I wish I could talk to her and ask her why she was upset today, why she bangs her head. So we just come home, she watches her ipad and I write my blog. I feel like if I do a bunch of busy work maybe I won't have to focus on our problems. My downfalls as a mom and inability to understand what she needs.