Thursday Morning: May 26, 2016. CJ and I are standing on the black asphalt of Centennial Elementary's playground. One of Mia's teachers was standing on the lowest platform of the jungle gym. "The kids are gonna come out of the classroom, walk in front of us and then go down the slide to accept their diploma. This will be their slide into their future". I giggle to think that Mia would be sliding into her future. No milestone has come this smoothly.
Butterflies were swirling in my stomach on the five minute drive to the school. I am nervous, as if I had to give a speech or something. Waiting for her to be marched out, I thought there was no way she would simply file behind the students ahead of her. I thought of the scenarios where she would be crying, kicking, screaming and I would have to step in while all the other parents would watch and silently judge how I handled the situation.
Just a few minutes after 8 the kids start filing out. Mia is probably the fifteenth in line. All the kids are wearing homemade mortar boards that read "2016 Grads" on the top. It's a very cute ceremony, I wish I was enjoying it more. Mia's OT Rosemary is walking with her hand in hand. A feeling of relief came over me. "She's doing good" I thought to myself. I take my phone out of my purse and swipe the camera icon at the bottom of the screen. I hit record. All the parents are jockying for the best vantage point to take their videos while not obscuring each others view. I find myself close to the line of kids. I don't call out to Mia. I know that it's best if she doesn't see me. Despite the fact that I try to hide myself behind the bodies of the other parents, Mia catches my view.
She starts to whine. It would have been easy enough if she just left the line and came to me. But she collapses, crying, hitting Rosemary. I can feel some stares from others on the back of my neck. "It's OK Mia" I say trying to calm her. Rosemary suggests that we try to go to the front of the line. "Good idea" I say. She kicks, screams louder, hits harder. Since we are at the jungle gym even more of the attention is on us. Rosemary and I make a quick decision to scrap the ceremony. I scoop Mia in my arms and quickly retreat behind the crowd.
Mia didn't get her chance to slide into her future, right now were still in the present. Mia is still working on her meltdowns and I am still learning how to comport myself in these stressfull situations. Managing anxiety is the objective for both of us.
